Tuesday an exciting announcement was made by the new, Seattle-based company Planetary Resources that they would be looking to mine resources rare on Earth, like water, from nearby asteroids, bringing as much as a trillion dollars to the global GDP once they are up and running.
Members of the group investing in the company include two prominent members of Google, and a famous Hollywood director. While Jim Cameron is investing in the company, another famous director has high hopes for the new venture; Micheal Bay.
“When I heard about this new company developing inexpensive space travel and the ability to mine and tow entire asteroids, I realized a vision of mine may one day become a reality.” Stated the veteran director of such movies as The Transformers and The Transformers 2. “I realized that I could bring the experience I showed in my movie Armageddon to the real people of Earth!”
Bay suggested that once the mining and towing operations were running efficiently, they could be harnessed to film actual movie scenes on an actual asteroid, which could be blown up for real with an actual nuclear weapon. “It would be the shit.” Bay shrieked excitedly. “All we would have to do is tow a massive asteroid toward the Earth and then blow it in half at the last second.”
After his initial disappointment at finding out that asteroids the size of the one in his movie do not exist, and muttering “Shit…” repeatedly, Bay brightened up and stated “Fuck it, we’ll build one out of smaller asteroids!” When questioned about how he would get the same explosions he is famous for in the vacuum of space, he replied “There’s no air? Oh, we’ll just use CGI then.” Ignoring the fact that none of the technology exists yet, Mr Bay walked off promising that the real life “Armageddon Experience” would be ready in a few years, after he released the next several Transformers movies and the TMNT reboot that is sure to piss off everyone.